literature

John's bucket warning

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princeofhope's avatar
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Literature Text

Looking for someone to chat with... (so, please wait)
You are now chatting with a person, say hi.

▼: IF THIS IS SOME RANDOM HUMAN I DON'T KNOW, PREEMPTIVELY TELLING YOU TO FUCK OFF.

▲: karkat?

▼: JOHN?

▲: yes! hi!

▼: YES, HI, WHATEVER.

▲: how'd you know it was me? hehehe

▼: LUCKY GUESS.
▼: ERIDAN WOULD CALL ME KAR, SOLLUX WOULD CALL ME KK, SO IT WAS A FIFTY/FIFTY CHANCE OF EITHER YOU OR JADE.

▲: haha yeah okay you're right
▲: so what's up?

▼: SITTING IN MY RESPITEBLOCK WITH A KILLER FUCKING HEADACHE FROM TALKING TO IDIOT HUMANS FOR THE PAST COUPLE OF HOURS.
▼: WHAT THE FUCK DOES ASL MEAN, ANYWAY?

▲: age/sex/location
▲: it's what human people ask on chatboards like these

▼: WHY WOULD THAT EVEN MATTER.

▲: so you can know who you're talking to!
▲: and where they're from
▲: well maybe not who exactly
▲: but it gives you a better look at least
▲: by the way i think one of your troll pail filling drones was on here
▲: or whatever you call them
▲: it was weird

▼: OH WHAT THE FUCK?

▲: yeah

▼: WHY WAS AN IMPERIAL DRONE USING A COMPUTER.

▲: you know....that's a good question
▲: maybe they decided to become technologically advanced?

▼: I DOUBT IT, UNLESS THEY WERE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE.
▼: ...OH.
▼: OH FUCK.
▼: OH FUCK!
▼: OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK I AM SO DEAD.

▲: why would they be looking for you in particular???
▲: i mean other than the obvious but

▼: OKAY EXPLAIN "THE OBVIOUS".

▲: i mean like they'd obviously be looking for you for the whole bucket stuff
▲: don't they do that for everyone?

▼: OH GOD I WISH THAT WAS IT.

▲: there's something else?

▼: IF THEY'RE LOOKING FOR ME, THEY MIGHT HAVE FOUND OUT ABOUT MY BLOOD.
▼: SHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT.

▲: okay hold on slow down
▲: i'm trying to wrap my head around all of this still
▲: so they come for the bucket or whatever
▲: but what does that have to do with your blood?

▼: IMPERIAL DRONES DON'T JUST HANDLE FILIAL PAILS YOU IDIOT.
▼: THEY'RE ALSO RESPONSIBLE FOR CULLING.

▲: oh
▲: uh...well...
▲: maybe they won't come to your house so soon
▲: your society is weird, karkat

▼: OH YEAH LIKE YOUR EARTH SOCIETY IS PERFECTLY FINE AND OKAY.

▲: no! i didn't say that!
▲: it's weird too
▲: just a different kind of weird
▲: i think that drone might have been malfunctioning though
▲: it kept asking for my name and then i told it that i was a human but it still wanted a uh
▲: "genetic sample"
▲: so i just ended the chat
▲: hehehe

▼: EVEN SO... I'M GOING TO GO FUCKING HIDE.
▼: RIGHT NOW.

▲: okay! good...luck? i guess?
▲: you'll be fine

▼: THANKS FOR THE WARNING, EGBERT. THIS IS THE ONLY THANKS YOU'RE EVER GOING TO GET FROM ME.

▲: no problem! it's no big deal

▼: YOU MIGHT'VE SAVED MY LIFE, YOU REALIZE.

▲: wow does this mean that i'm like a hero or something?
▲: that's pretty cool

▼: I GUESS, I'M NOT GOING TO EVEN PRETEND TO KNOW WHAT YOUR STUPID EARTH HUMAN WORDS MEAN.
▼: LATER, EGBERT.

▲: bye!

The other user has left
This was like the first time I rped as John so if it's a little off I'm sorry (8

John: Me
Karkat: ?
© 2011 - 2024 princeofhope
Comments6
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feonyxis's avatar
haha! that was pretty great! you played a good john, except for the lack of ending punctuation! :D other than that awesome!